


If I Only Could

by Shklance_Beef_Sandwich



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: A Bath - Freeform, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Multi, Past Sexual Abuse, Scars, Some Cuddling & Snuggling, There's A Lot Of Napping, and kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:40:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29043993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shklance_Beef_Sandwich/pseuds/Shklance_Beef_Sandwich
Summary: What would it be like, to swap places with Kevin or Andrew?Neil looks from the ceiling to his partners napping nearby, Andrew’s fingers slack where they had been stroking Kevin’s hair, with Kevin’s head resting on Andrew’s chest as he snores softly.It’s quiet moments like these, after a harrowing day for the three of them, that Neil takes some time to think about what he could have done to have made it easier; how he could have helped more.Neil thinks sometimes now about what it would be like to exchange the experience, live a day in Kevin’s head, or Andrew’s, just to know completely what it is like for them on their worst days.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55
Collections: AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021





	If I Only Could

**Author's Note:**

  * For [t_writes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_writes/gifts).



> Here's my piece for the AFTG Mixtape Exchange, the song chosen for this story was Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God) by Kate Bush, an absolute classic song that I was thrilled to see
> 
> I am not going to lie and say that this wasn't a challenge and a half to write, I had what I thought was a great idea in my head upon hearing the song chosen for this exchange, but putting it into words and turning that idea into a full-fledged story did not turn out as I'd thought it would
> 
> Regardless of that, I hope you do enjoy what I have written! I tried to make it something I hope you'll enjoy
> 
> Despite the depressing tags, I aimed for this to be more of a fluffy story 
> 
> The Archive Warning tags used are purely because those themes are referenced, nothing is explicitly described, but the tags are added for anyone wanting to avoid those topics altogether
> 
> There's talk about their pasts, more specifically Andrew and Neil's, of what it feels like for them when remembering what they've gone through  
> I tried to make it as little detail as possible so as to not potentially trigger anything for anyone, but if you wanted to avoid the description of what Neil feels when he wants to run, and Andrew remembering his abuse, skip the chunk between:  
> "It’s shit, to put it as bluntly as Andrew had, being fucked up." and resume at "“Sleep well?” Andrew asks, and Kevin audibly swallows."
> 
> I think that's about everything I have to say, enjoy

Bad days.

A simple term for those times in which stress, anxiety and depression coalesce into a deranged peak only to all at once crumble at their feet.

Bad days are days that are dedicated to relapse, to arising repressed and unwelcome memories. They’re days dedicated to craving comfort and staying close, and to needing space. Days dedicated to running, and to hiding; dedicated to wanting to remember, and to wanting to forget.

Days for Kevin, Andrew and Neil to watch one or the other break before their eyes, or watch as they lock themselves behind a closed door to break in peace.

There was a song that came on the radio one day. A song that normally neither of them would usually listen to, be it because of the genre or artist not being their usual taste, or just general disinterest, but they had gone ahead and let it play; something resonating with them upon hearing those lyrics.

It was a song about making a deal with God to swap places with the person you love, for a chance to see the world in their perspective.

Though neither of them really believe in a God, or will admit it to one another, but there’s a part of Andrew, of Kevin and Neil that wonder what it _would_ be like to switch places with the other; to get into each other’s heads and know just how their train of thought operates, especially on their worst days.

It’s not just a sick curiosity, but a means to understanding what they each go through, see what helps, and what doesn’t, and work together to fix what has been broken, hold it together to ensure it doesn’t break as badly as it had been broken before.

To make more of a difference then they’re currently capable of making.

To take their pain and the burden of carrying it, if only for a moment, to make things easier.

* * *

What would it be like, to swap places with Kevin or Andrew?

Neil looks from the ceiling to his partners napping nearby, Andrew’s fingers slack where they had been stroking Kevin’s hair, with Kevin’s head resting on Andrew’s chest as he snores softly.

It’s quiet moments like these, after a harrowing day for the three of them, that Neil takes some time to think about what he could have done to have made it easier; how he could have helped more.

Neil thinks sometimes now about what it would be like to exchange the experience, live a day in Kevin’s head, or Andrew’s, just to know completely what it is like for them on their worst days.

In saying that, though, Neil wouldn’t wish his own trauma on either of his partners, or anyone, for that matter, and he knows that Kevin and Andrew would feel the same.

Neil’s fine now though, he’s learnt to live with his pain, so it doesn’t hurt him anymore.

_Liar._

Would they want to feel how it feels? Know that he’s come to terms with what he’s lived through and that it doesn’t hurt him?

_Liar._

It would hurt them, though. Just as their pain would inflict upon Neil, too.

Still, it’s a curiosity that never fails to make itself known when Neil gets a little too deep in thought.

All Neil wants is to be able to make the pain go away, despite knowing realistically it probably never will, not entirely, it’s a nice concept.

If Neil could swap places with either of his partners, he could know what makes them tick, what helps and what doesn’t, so that the next time they break, he can be there to pick up the pieces and put them back together again, instead of treading on the shards and potentially making things worse for everyone.

When it comes down to it, in their hardest times, it’s him, and it’s them. No one else can even begin to understand.

They don’t want to hurt him, and Neil knows they mean well, are trying just as hard as he is to help, but when Neil’s fears coalesce and he has to check over his shoulder, has to search for every exit, their presence makes it harder to think clearly.

If only because Neil’s scared of hurting them, too.

_Breathe._

That’s what Andrew tells Neil to do when he’s panicking, and it works, for the most part, it does, but Neil still itches to run, get out of harm’s reach and ensure Andrew and Kevin are away from it, too.

By being away from him.

Andrew knows how to ground Neil, show him there’s no reason to turn back into that rabbit he used to be and flee.

Neil may have learned how to live with his trauma, and it may not hurt him like it used to, but he realises it still hurts Kevin and Andrew, not that they would outwardly admit that to him, he knows.

He knows in the way that Kevin will hold him just a little closer after Neil’s had a difficult day, and he knows in the way Andrew’s kisses will linger, lips touching lips but unmoving, Andrew’s eyes closed and fingers on Neil’s neck.

 _Stay,_ he would whisper, and Neil finds it impossible to imagine why it was he ever wanted to run in the first place, in those moments.

He knows because what Andrew and Kevin feel on their worst days hurts Neil, too.

“Neil?”

Coming back to the present and registering Kevin’s voice, Neil glances over to the couch where his partners were resting to find Kevin and Andrew already looking his way, awake. How long they’ve been that way, Neil’s unsure, but by the heaviness of their eyes, it couldn’t have been too long.

“Hey,” Neil says, shifting to face them better from his place on the nearby armchair, giving a small smile. “Have a good nap?”

Andrew rubs a hand over his face, covering his mouth as he yawns while Kevin nods, blinking sluggishly and smiling softly back at Neil.

“You looked deep in thought.” He mutters, and Neil hums.

“A bit.”

“Anything interesting?” Andrew asks, fingers resuming their stroking through Kevin’s hair, and Neil watches for a second, before shrugging a shoulder.

“Not really.” He says, sitting up and making to stand. “You two need anything?”

“Coffee,” Andrew says, and Kevin hums in agreement, eyes fluttering as Andrew scratches lightly at his scalp and Neil huffs a laugh.

“Got it.”

Neil hears the television cut on upon walking into the kitchen, snippets of voices and music flickering too quick to be anything coherent, and he can hear Kevin protesting, telling Andrew to “—fucking stay on one channel for _two seconds, damnit—_ “ and Neil can’t help but smile as he gets cups out of the cupboard, starting up the coffee maker.

“As you wish,” Comes a belated reply, and the incoherent channel switching abruptly cuts off as Andrew no-doubt shuts off the TV altogether, and it’s silent for a long second.

“Really?” Kevin says, and Neil laughs again at their antics, grabbing a punnet of cherries from the fridge and walking back into the living room to wait for the coffee to finish brewing, holding them out in offering.

“Anything good on?” He asks, and Kevin rolls his eyes, shifting with Andrew as he leans forward to reach for the offered fruit, popping one into his mouth and tugging off the stalk, humming.

“So much.” Andrew says, and when Kevin gives him a deadpan look, he flashes the cherry pip between his teeth at him. “Want some?”

“Gross,” Kevin mumbles, but leans toward where Neil’s still holding out the cherries to grab one, inspecting it and taking off its stalk before he eats it, making a small, approving noise.

Neil has a couple himself before the coffee machine finishes up brewing a pot, and he goes to make their drinks, adding an ungodly amount of sugar and creamer to Andrew’s, a more reasonable amount to Kevin’s, and leaving his black, carefully picking up the cups so as not to spill anything and making his way back to the living room.

The TV is on again, but this time it’s stayed on one channel, low music playing as he sets down the mugs of coffee, pointing out which is which quickly when Kevin reaches for Andrew’s.

It turns comfortably quiet, the music a nice background noise alongside rain pattering against the window, and the moment stretches, Neil feeling at ease, the phantom itching from earlier that morning gone entirely now, and he lets himself relax, listening to Kevin humming softly along to a song, to Andrew teasing him about it, and Kevin laughing in turn.

It’s a good moment, and for that night, Neil lets himself forget anything bad that’s ever happened to him, to them all, and basks in this comfortable atmosphere.

In this feeling of safety.

* * *

It’s a quiet evening.

Neil’s lying with Kevin, staring at the ceiling while Kevin sleeps at his side.

It’s always the ceiling, Neil thinks, that’s a good place to keep your eyes on when thinking. Nothing shifts, nothing distracts you from your thoughts.

It’s still. It’s there.

A door opens down the hall, and Neil listens, hears the steady footsteps approach the bedroom, and Neil looks away from the ceiling long enough to see Andrew push the ajar door open further, stepping into the room and meeting Neil’s eye in the dark.

He doesn’t say anything, either because Kevin is asleep or because he just doesn’t feel the need to, walking up to the bed and carefully climbing on to lay down on his side of it, tense for a moment before he relaxes in slight increments, until he’s lying on Neil’s other side, facing him.

“Hey,” Neil whispers.

“Hi.” Andrew whispers back, inclining his head over Neil’s shoulder. “He been out long?”

“About twenty minutes.” Neil says, and Andrew nods, lapsing into silence again.

Neil doesn’t ask if he’s okay, knows the question wouldn’t be appreciated, so he stays quiet, eyes tracing over Andrew’s face as Andrew stares coolly back at him.

“Staring.” He says after a long moment, and Neil nods.

“You too.” Andrew’s lip quirks the slightest amount at that.

It’s a quiet evening.

There’s the distant sound of traffic, of Kevin’s snoring at Neil’s back, of Andrew’s fingers picking at a loose thread in his pillowcase.

“It’s shit,” Andrew suddenly says, and Neil looks at his face, waiting to see if he was going to continue that train of thought.

“What is?” Neil asks after a couple minutes, and Andrew stares at him as if he’d forgotten he’d even spoken in the first place.

“Being fucked up.” He says in lieu of an answer, and Neil nods, because he knows what Andrew means.

It certainly is not ideal, being what others are unable to perceive as _normal._

Not having many people they can say they have shared experiences with.

Neil having had the past that he’d had, and with Andrew and Kevin having had their own versions of fucked up pasts.

It’s shit, to put it as bluntly as Andrew had, being fucked up.

“What is it like?” Andrew asks, carefully slipping his hand a little closer to Neil, but Neil doesn’t dare reach for him, letting Andrew have his space. “On the days that you run, more than usual, there’s a look in your eye that piques my interest.” He touches Neil’s wrist with a fingertip, eyes following the motion. “What goes on behind those eyes of yours, Josten?”

Neil takes a moment to think about it, to put it into words, Andrew waiting patiently, or maybe expectantly, or maybe both, all the while.

“I itch all over, and it burns.” Neil starts. “I have to run, to make it stop. I can feel them, my dad and his people, chasing me.” Neil takes a slow but stilted breath, rubbing his cheek against the pillow and curling his fingers into the sheets. “I have to get away from it, and sometimes, I have to get away from you and Kevin, because it feels like I’m putting you in danger if I stay, and the itching only gets worse.” Lifting his gaze, Neil finds Andrew already looking back at him, face neutral, and Neil shrugs a shoulder lamely.

“Do you know it’s all in your head, or do you still believe deep down that there are people out there, searching for you.” It’s posed like a question, but Neil thinks Andrew is half-stating a fact, and it gives Neil pause.

“No, I know that they’re gone…” He sounds unsure even to his own ears, and Andrew’s stare doesn’t waver. “It’s not—they’re not still out there. They were killed. My dad, was killed. I saw it.” Neil says it firmly, as if saying it like so will make it true even if it wasn’t.

Which it is, true, as if Neil could forget the way Stewart Hatford’s bullets had pierced Nathan Wesninski’s chest before his very eyes.

"It’s just your ingrained paranoia, then.” Andrew says, and Neil lifts a shoulder in semblance of a shrug again. “You said it yourself, they are dead. No one is chasing after you anymore, and even if they were, I thought you were past playing the martyr.” Andrew shifts his arm, fingers coming up to stroke against Neil’s cheek. “If you run in an attempt to protect Kevin and I, I will track you down and kill you myself, understood?” He says, and despite himself, Neil smiles.

“I love you, too.” He mutters, and Andrew’s fingers twitch against his face, then the back of his hand slaps him gently before pulling away entirely, Andrew huffing and rolling onto his back, shaking his head. “You both help me, though,” Neil belatedly adds. “When I come home from running to find you waiting with a cigarette lit for me, and when Kevin distracts me, turning my need to constantly move into a training session.”

“Anything for extra Exy practice,” Andrew says, and Neil hums in agreement.

Neil doesn’t stop to think before he asks then: “What is it like for you?”

Andrew goes deathly still beside him, breath catching in his throat. It takes a long while for him to answer, and Neil begins to think he’s not going to answer at all, but then he does, his voice low.

“I don’t think you want to know, Neil.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Neil says, and Andrew continues to stare at the ceiling above them, Neil on his side facing him. “But if you could give me something, anything to let me know what I can do to make things easier for you, to be able to help you like you help me, I want to know.”

“It’s—“ Andrew starts, then stops, and it’s so unlike him to be unsure of himself, and all Neil wants to do is reach for him, take his hand and lace their fingers, squeeze in a way that silently says _I’m here._ “It’s as if I’m stuck. I can feel myself being pinned down, like I’m reliving it, it doesn’t matter how I’m lying at the time.” He says, and Neil swallows around the lump in his throat. “Sometimes I see their faces, other times they are just looming shadows.”

“Does it hurt?” Neil then asks, and Andrew huffs humourlessly.

“It’s restricting, and hard to breathe, but no. It doesn’t hurt the way you are thinking.”

“I’m sorry for asking you what it was like.” Neil says when his stomach lurches uncomfortably at the thought of what Andrew’s been through, and Andrew looks at Neil, then, his expression blank.

“You asked what remembering was like, not the event itself.” Andrew says. “I would not have told you if I didn’t think you could handle it. Just knowing that you and Kevin are there, thinking about how I’m needed by you both, is enough.” Andrew says, then. “It helps bring me back around sooner.” He continues, then his brow furrows slightly, and all at once him and Neil realise that Kevin’s soft snoring from earlier has stopped, and Neil looks over his shoulder to find Kevin looking at them, expression tense.

“Sleep well?” Andrew asks, and Kevin audibly swallows.

“What’s going on?” He asks, voice groggy as he makes to sit up, and Neil follows, Andrew staring up at them.

“Just some bonding. We were talking about our traumatic pasts, want to join?”

“Not necessarily…” Kevin says, drawing out the words, and Andrew huffs, closing his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Neil says, touching Kevin’s hand, and he flinches slightly, looking from Andrew to Neil, and Neil tries to not let the way that effects him show, giving Kevin a small smile that aims for reassuring but misses the mark entirely. “I’m gonna take a bath, do you want to come with?” He asks, and Kevin nods, Neil glancing at Andrew who peeks at them through a half-open eye.

“You two go ahead, I’m going to order food.”

The mattress shifts, and Neil looks back over toward where Kevin had just been to find him standing, stepping through the doorway to their bedroom’s ensuite without another word, and Neil gets up to follow, sparing Andrew another glance, the man in question waving his hand in a shooing gesture, so Neil leaves him be.

He finds Kevin already shirtless and crouched beside the tub, one hand under the stream of water as the other fiddles with the taps, adjusting the temperature. He doesn’t say anything, and so Neil doesn’t, either, just begins to strip silently at Kevin’s back, watching him watch the bath as it steadily fills with water.

Turning the taps off, Kevin stands and finishes getting undressed, and Neil steps past him to get into the bath as he does, sitting at one end and bringing his knees up close to his chest, giving Kevin the space he needs to lean back against the other end, meeting Neil’s eye through the steam.

The side of his foot brushes gently against Neil’s ankle, and Neil lets himself relax, easing his posture a bit, his foot shifting against Kevin’s calf, and he smiles softly at Neil, who tentatively smiles back.

Kevin inclines his head, lifts a hand and curls his fingers slightly in a beckoning motion, and Neil uncurls himself from his place at the end of the tub and closes the distance between himself and Kevin, bracing his hands, then forearms against the porcelain edge at Kevin’s back as he presses their fronts flush together, their faces close.

Kevin huffs a short laugh, tilting his head and pecking Neil on the lips before pulling back again, wrapping his arms around Neil and holding him close.

“About what you heard before…” Neil mutters after a short while, having manoeuvred himself so that he’s leant against Kevin more comfortably, fingers trailing idly up and down his torso, along his chest, cheek resting against his shoulder. “Andrew and my conversation, I don’t know how much you heard.”

“Not a lot,” Kevin says, his own fingers tracing old scars across Neil’s sides, drawing patterns and shapes on his back, following the slope of his spine, tucking straying locks of hair behind Neil’s ear, the ends curling. “Can I ask what brought up that particular topic in the first place?” He asks, and Neil lifts a shoulder, tilting his head back and brushing his lips against the underside of Kevin’s jaw.

“Just…trying to understand each other a bit better, I guess…” Neil starts, reaching up toward Kevin’s cheek, and Kevin looks at Neil, noses touching. “I was telling him what it’s like, how it feels, on my worse days, and…” Neil pauses. “Andrew did the same.”

“I’ve never heard Andrew like that,” Kevin says, his next inhale hitching. “Actually talking about what he’s gone through, it was—“

“Intense?”

Kevin and Neil flinch, both turning their heads at the same time to find Andrew leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, and he looks tired. His armbands are nowhere to be seen, hints of both stark and faded scarring peeking out here and there along Andrew’s forearms, flashing more visibly when Andrew lifts a hand to itch at the corner of an eye, sniffing.

“Or maybe vulnerable was the word you were about to say. Both would be true.” He says, but he’s not angry, stepping into the room, knocking the toilet seat closed, uncaring as it clangs loudly before sitting on it, hunching over with his elbows on his knees, facing Neil and Kevin in the tub. “Food’s here, by the way.”

“What’d you get?” Kevin asks, and Andrew sits up only to lean back, crossing his arms again and pursing his lips with a hum.

“Chinese, I believe.”

Kevin nods, seemingly at a loss for words, and the room lapses into silence, Andrew waiting all of a minute before he’s standing.

“Whelp,” He says, giving a half-assed, two-fingered salute and then turning to walk out of the room, and Neil quickly stands, too, almost slipping as soon as he steps out of the bath, but managing to catch himself, wrapping a towel hazardously around his waist, following Andrew.

“Hey,” Neil says, catching Andrew just outside their bedroom, and Andrew merely looks at him over his shoulder, pausing slightly.

“Yes?”

“Are you—“ _Okay,_ he wants to ask, but knows it’s a stupid question.

“You are dripping everywhere, Josten.” Andrew says, and Neil didn’t need to look down to know that was true, feeling the steadily growing puddle at his feet. Neil elects to ignore it.

“It was a lot, earlier. We both said a bunch of things and I just wanted to make sure you were alright with everything.” Neil says in somewhat of a rush, and Andrew looks away, Neil waiting for him to say something, anything.

“i don’t,” Andrew makes a vague gesture, lips twisting a little in what looks like frustration before his expression sorts itself out. “I don’t open up, to people. The shit that I have gone through is something that I barely even talk to Bee about. But you and Kevin, you’re…” He trails off, looking at Neil then just over his shoulder, and Neil doesn’t need to turn around to know Kevin’s made an appearance, hearing him step closer.

“We’re…?” Kevin prompts, gently.

“Different.” Andrew finishes. “To me.” He adds, promptly turning away and heading toward the kitchen, and Neil glances at Kevin, who looks shocked, and Neil nudges his shoulder, unable to stop the smile that makes the corners of his mouth quirk upward.

“I think that’s the closest we’ve gotten to Andrew saying he loves us.” Neil says, and Kevin huffs a disbelieving laugh, nodding.

“You’re flooding the room, go get dried and dressed.” Kevin says in lieu of a response, and Neil does as he says, meeting him and Andrew in the kitchen a couple minutes later, his towel soaking up the water he’d traipsed through the bedroom, finding his partners sitting close beside the kitchen island.

Andrew’s food seems to have been forgotten, chopsticks lax in his hand as Kevin kisses him slowly, and Neil takes a moment to appreciate the sight of it, of them, stepping a little further into the room, trying to keep his steps light but knowing it’s futile, Andrew peering at him through heavy-lidded eyes even as his tongue presses along Kevin’s lips, slipping passed when Kevin opens up for it.

Kevin makes a sound low in his throat, tilting his head in a mirror of Andrew’s and taking what he’s given, Andrew’s eyes never wavering from Neil, all the while, and he’s transfixed, stepping closer and taking Andrew’s hand as it’s held out for him, getting tugged even closer still.

When Andrew pulls back from Kevin, he’s dazed, eyes opening slowly and immediately looking up at Neil, a blissed-out sort of smile on his face that has Andrew huffing a short laugh. He curls his fingers around Neil’s wrist then and gives a short tug, and it’s all Neil can do but follow his unspoken direction, Andrew’s kiss feeling as slow and deep as the one he’d just given Kevin had looked.

Once he’s deemed the kiss satisfactory, Andrew pulls back, and Neil has to resist the urge to chase after his lips, Andrew looking between him and Kevin.

“Just know that these types of conversations will not become a common occurrence.” Andrew says, both Kevin and Neil nodding, and Andrew lets out a long exhale from his nose. “At least, not right now.” He amends, picking up his chopsticks and poking idly at the carton of takeout in front of him.

When Kevin and Neil don’t make any attempt to speak or move after that, Andrew glances up at them again.

“You do not need my permission to sit down and eat, you know.” He says, and Kevin turns on his seat to reach for a carton, Neil sitting on the vacant stool on Andrew’s other side, and Neil notices the way the corner of his mouth lifts up the slightest amount.

They’re going to be okay, Neil thinks.

It’s a long, difficult path they have set out in front of them, but then again, haven’t their whole lives been just as, if not more difficult?

As cheesy as it sounds, they have each other, now. And that’s more than Neil ever thought he would be able to have.

And maybe they’ll never be able to swap places, know the full extent of the pain they each go through individually, but they do their best, and their best helps.

It will get better.

When they’re all in bed later that night, the lamp a soft glow in the otherwise dark room, Neil strokes his fingers across Andrew’s cheek, feeling Kevin practically nuzzle the back of his neck, and Andrew blinks at him slowly.

“You alright there?” Andrew asks, voice low, and Neil’s lip twitches upward into a careful smile.

“Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you both.” He says, fingertips brushing against Andrew’s mouth, his lips parting ever so slightly.

“Sap,” He mutters, but kisses Neil’s fingers as he does so, and Kevin hums at Neil’s back, arms tightening their hold on him just a little.

There are always going to be bad days, but as long as Neil lives, he’ll be there for Andrew and for Kevin in any and every way that he can be.

He loves them.

It’s the one fact Neil is sure of in this confusing, messed up life he’s got.

With Kevin and Andrew, Neil won’t be unhappy, and he hopes it’s the same for them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Cheers for reading if you made it this far
> 
> This is completely un-betad, I've gone over it a thousand times but there's a chance a mistake or six may have gotten through
> 
> I lost a lot of work aside from a couple notes a couple days before posting was due to start, so I had to start this practically from scratch, which is why it's not as put together as I'd planned, and why I didn't get to write as much as I had hoped too, either, so apologies to my recipient for that
> 
> There's a bunch of super cool looking fanfics in this exchange, which you should check out if you haven't already
> 
> Feel free to follow me on [Tumblr](https://sheithbeefsandwich.tumblr.com)


End file.
